Well, here I am again. I have a few story ideas, wrote a fairly detailed outline for one idea and actually started working on it… then petered off when I got stuck for character names. The idea is still there, albeit not as strong as when it first hit me. *sigh*
Idea number 2 kind of swamped over number 1, and I began several areas of research… got a bit too technical for what I actually needed and became overwhelmed by that. Haven’t done an outline, but began character sketches.
I start writing and become – very swiftly – dissatisfied with what I’m writing, and leave it, fed up. My muse is wanting to express herself, yet there is so much turmoil right now, I’m having a hard time letting her say what she desperately wants to say. This is, I think, even more frustrating then the I-can’t-write-a-thing-due-to-the-dreaded-Writer’s Block. Ack.
My Aunt Jean passed away. Mom has watched 3 of her younger sister’s die now. Aunt Jean was ready to go, she’d been ill for so long and was only in hospice care about 4 days before she passed. Really, I think she only held on till one of her daughters returned home from the first vacation she’s had in years. Mom said she was at hospice, when she (Mom) got a spontaneous nosebleed that even the nurses were having some troubles getting it to stop. So Mom told my cousins she had to listen to her body and go home and get some rest. As she was getting ready to leave, she noticed Aunt Jean was breathing like a fish out of water – that kind of gasping gulping type breath. The nurses had told Mom previously that when that happened, it would be close.
Mom said from the time Aunt Jean went into hospice, she simply lay there, mouth hanging open, eyes pretty dull when they were open. But she recognized all visitor’s and seemed glad to see them. Well, when she began to do the fish breathing thing, Mom said a slow change happened… Aunt Jean closed her mouth finally. She opened her eyes and they sparkled like when she was a young girl, so clear and pretty. She smiled a soft smile, and lifted her head and slightly nodded – Mom said there was an eagerness to it, and raised her arms like she was reaching for someone… then slowly lay back and she was gone. I got chills when Mom told me – I know Uncle Lenny had come to claim his wife, and escort her to her new home. What a beautiful affirmation of whats to come!
Meanwhile, Don’s health had been going downhill and poor Mom has just been frazzled. Her sister, her husband and one son all so ill. At least with Aunt Jean, she wasn’t dangerously sad as she knew Aunt Jean was ready to go. Steve is stil the same, as far as I know – Mom has been wearing herself out between Aunt Jean and Don, and hasn’t been able to go visit him. As to Don, Mom thinks he may have had a mild stroke, although the doctors say no. Long story short, he was sitting on the toilet in tremendous pain, and fell off. Mom and her best friend Dori couldn’t stop him from falling. Mom called 911, and he was taken to the hospital when the EMT’s found his heart so erratic. After a few days in the hospital and many tests later, Don finally agreed to go to a rehad facility. Mom said he’s been responding very well, and is due to be released – for home – on Saturday.
Mom has been trying to take care of herself, but she always puts herself last and gives to others first. (That’s where I learned it. *wink*) Any-whoo, she did go see her lung specialist and he told her – she’s never going to get better, his treatment plan is to keep her comfortable and maintain what use she has currently. I don’t know exactly what’s wrong with her lungs, I just know she’s on oxygen fulltime now – never smoked a day in her life – and she tires easily and has this god-awful coughing fits that can last 5 or more minutes and can come every 10-15 minutes when she’s tired. She’s pushing herself too hard and I’m worried about her.
And S is having problems with his stomach. Like me, he has an extremely high pain tolerance threshold. In fact, his may be higher than mine. But I’ve seen him in such pain he’s close to tears and ready to go to the hospital. He’s gone to a few doctors, but so far, no one has found whats causing it or how to help him. I’ve been suggesting several holistic remedies for various symptoms, which give him some relief when he finally tries them… the last remedy gave him close to 2 weeks pain free. Then it hit him again, tonight. He was pale, I knew his stomach was hurting, and he went in to take a hot shower – that sometimes gives him a bit of relief. After the shower, I heard him wretching.
It pains me to hear him gagging like that, and tonight was worse – I got some sympathetic stomach pains and began to feel nauseous, myself. I finally decided to come in here and work on – anything – on my computer. It’s awful of me, I know, but I knew being in the office, with the AC running, I wouldn’t hear him gagging/vomiting.
Remi is with him, trying to comfort him. Momo had been, but the little shit has too much energy and ends up causing more trouble then help given. At least Remi lays still and doesn’t bounce on his stomach. Her soothing presence must have helped, as I put coffee on and just went for a refill and saw he’d finally fallen asleep. Remi up by his head, her big brown eyes so sad and worried. Dammit, I feel overwhelmed by all of the illness.