Hello, Monday

K, it’s only been Monday for twenty minutes, and I’m actually going to be writing about Sunday. Got it? Earlier today Joe asked if he could go for a jog; I told him sure, I was doing homework any ways, and to enjoy himself. I’m not sure what time he left, but it was well before dinner time – which we tend to eat around 7-8p.m. After awhile I realize I’m getting hungry, so put dinner on to cook; the meal takes an hour to bake, so I figure Joe will be home and I’ll be full-on hungry by the time it’s ready. I get a text about a half hour later from Joe, saying he’s heading back. Cool. I text him back an okay, and that dinner will be ready in about 45-minutes.

Forty-five minutes later I dish out dinner – Joe still isn’t home, so I set his dish to the side on the counter and sit down to eat. About fifteen minutes later I hear him moving the trashcan to the curb, and he comes in. I yell at the girls to quit jumping on him while Joe tells the person on the phone that Grammy is yelling at the dogs to quit jumping on him and not yelling at him. I continue eating my dinner, watching a movie on Netflix, while Joe heads to his room to finish his phone call. He comes out to ask if he can talk to me later about possibly meeting up with Cierra next Sunday, I tell him we can talk.

K, enough of the [essentially] minute-by-minute break down. Here’s the jist of our convo… Joe wants to go to church with Cierra and her family next Sunday, possibly stay for dinner as well. I tell him okay as long as I meet Cierra’s mother first, and they provide all transportation – I am not taking him to Cartersville or picking him up. And, he’s not allowed to be picked up on Saturday and spend the night for their ease, I do not approve of male/female sleep over’s, period. He seems genuinely surprised by that but I am adamant. He says it shouldn’t be a problem but he’ll keep me informed as they work out the details. He then rambles on a bit and says he doesn’t know why he had convinced himself that I was overly harsh with him and not allowing him to live a normal teenagers life. He said that after talking to others, he finally realizes I’m actually pretty darn lenient with him. Uh, I know, and tell him S & Dingy have even commented that I allow Joe to do more than they were ever allowed to do.

Next he tells me he’s going to have a serious talk with S because, no offense, he’s got some real problems. Uh, I do take offense, thankyouverymuch. [The parts about S&S are going to be somewhat jumbled, cause that’s the way he said it to me, so apologies. And yes, the feminine S is also known as Mommy Dearest here on my blog.] Oh, allow me to backtrack a bit here, first… on Saturday, Joe asked if I could take him to his Mom’s apartment – I said it shouldn’t be a problem, just let me know when she gets there cause they, S&S, always run late and I’m not going to drive over and sit in the driveway waiting for possibly hours. In fact, I reminded him they were over a half hour late for Squishy’s birthday party – that they organized. He tells me his mom had been sick, then Squishy caught it and now S has it and she’s just tired of dealing with them both and wants a break from Squish and S – but would like to spend time with Joe. Uh-huh. So it never happens; Joe tells me apparently S is saying they’ll all go over to her apartment if she wants to go over and clean it so badly, he says his mom was pretty pissed off that she can’t go over to her own apartment and have some private time.

Okay, back to today… so he tells me he met his mom for the jog and tells me the route they went, and that they stopped at some park so Squishy could play. Then Joe gets all indignant and says they spotted S driving by, twice, spying on them… that S had wanted Mommy Dearest to get her driver’s license, but now is against it… that Mommy Dearest is not allowed to go anywhere without S… that any problems with their relationship are due to Philio and Joe and Jade, etc. Mommy Dearest apparently has inferred that S is afraid of Joe – an adult male afraid of a fifteen year old boy. So Joe says he’s going to have a serious discussion with S and the way he’s treating his mother.

I told Joe he will not talk to S about their relationship because frankly, it’s none of his damn business. I reminded him about how upset he got when Mommy Dearest and Jade interfered in his relationship with Laurel and the awful results of that interference [like S and I not really speaking to one another, for one thing]. I could see on his face that that made sense to him, cause when I first told him not to talk to S, he got a stubborn, pissed off look on his face. I asked him if his mother was the one that gave him all this information about S essentially keeping her a prisoner, and he said he saw the texts… I told him that was wrong on many levels, that she should not be talking to him – her child – about her relationship issues with her adult boyfriend… he said he got the impression that she just needed someone to talk to and I reminded him that that is what all of her counselors are for, that it was inappropriate for her to be discussing it with him. And I told him I’ve said the same thing to her face – which is partly why she’s blocked me on Facebook, etc. But she chooses to tell her counselors that life is grand and she doesn’t have any problems or issues – but S does – all so they’ll give a ‘good report’ about her mental health to the courts. And she continues banging her head against walls and expecting the walls to crumble.

He then changes tactics and says he does want to talk to S about whatever his issue is with him, he wants to tell S not to be afraid of him… I tell him S is not afraid of him, and even though I haven’t spoken to S for a while, I do know him well enough to state he is not afraid of Joe. Joe then explains that he wants S to start living a life and not just go to work and watch documentaries, to go for hikes and make friends… to actually live a life. I tell him that conversation will not happen, that it is not his right to judge how S lives his life, period. Again, these are things I have heard Mommy Dearest say over and over again – she’s planted them in Joe’s head now and made him her knight to represent her in ‘fixing’ S to what will make her happy.

I told Joe that his belief that S is not living a happy life is his opinion only, that that may not be how S sees it. Joe says S&S are having a lot of relationship problems now because of this, but that S is blaming it on Mommy Dearest wanting to see Joe & Philio. I call bullshit on that, btw. I again repeat that whatever issues S&S are having with their relationship, is none of his damn business and Mommy Dearest is wrong for bringing them to Joe. He tries to mention S being afraid of him once again and I interrupt to ask – if S is so afraid of you, why is he willing to let you come stay at his house for the week I am out of town? He gets a surprised look on his face and said he hadn’t thought about that….

Son, your chosen mate is playing mind games with her children, damaging them even more than they were to start with. She is telling them lies about you and they are taking them at face level cause hey, mom said so… she had been playing mind games with me, until I finally tossed the Kool-Aid out after James was gone. I see her now – you still don’t. Stop drinking the damn Kool-Aid, son! Didn’t you see how Squishy acted towards me at his birthday party? Mommy Dearest is playing mind games with your three-year-old; it is not because I hadn’t seen him for six weeks before his party. I’ve gone longer between visits with Hope and she always recognizes me, knows I am her Grammy, so the length of time since I saw him last isn’t the reason he acted like he did… he’s been told things about Grammy and I’m certain Mommy Dearest is making sure they are all mean rotten things. Son, please… open your eyes so that you can see, the truth that will finally set you free….

I am so outtie….

Woo-hoo!

School bus pickup in exactly seven hours and sixteen minutes… yay! *laughs*

Perhaps once he is busy with school, Joe will quit looking for and finding drama-type trouble. Maybe he will put his foot down again and quit texting with Mommy Dearest all night [hence the drama-type trouble]. Ooo, and now that I have my purple laptop pretty much back to pre-Upgrade status, maybe I’ll be able to put more of my concentration back into my classes, cause that and Joe busy will free up a lot of my attention. Yay! I love school… *grins* and not just my own.

So, Amber owes me $50 for her new [used] laptop, and Dingy owes me $141 for adding her to my auto insurance policy – which went into effect 45-minutes ago. It seems Dingy, Bill and I are winding down a bit, in Clash of Clans – we’ve all hit a bad battling spot and keep losing trophies… but Dingy started a clan war and so far we’re ahead – even though my Muse account totally lost the first attack. *sighs* But my smallest account got three stars on its first attack, so it’s all good.

Think that’s pretty much everything for now, so I’m going to check my syllabus real quick then hit the sack.

With that, I am so outtie….

argh

Was doing research; today [actually yesterday, as of the time of this posting] has been a fairly productive homework day, did my discussion and replies, found loads of articles to review for my paper… took a little break after Joe woke up [he’s running some weird hours lately, he woke at 5am and went back to bed around 12:30, back up around 7pm, I think] and played some Clash of Clans. Did horrid! Kept losing battles and trophies… got fed up and put my tablets up… then realized how I was filling up with anger. Don’t know why, just feeling pretty damn pissed off!

I so want to be finished with this class, partially because I still have no burning ambition to be a teacher and I still feel pretty confused as to what I’m supposed to be turning in weekly. I feel out of place, too. In a class of twenty, I’m one of two that are not already educators. Yet, we’re still at the beginning of the term, only midway through week three of a ten week term. *sighs*

I’m fairly certain I’m feeling familial stress, actually. Joe mentioned DFCS was going to do an inspection of S’s home today, which is why Mommy Dearest called him and asked him to come over and help her clean the house. Joe said it was a total mess, that they spent over three hours on the kitchen before it was passable! He said they spent time chatting with Philio on the phone, played on Mommy Dearest’s computer, and got two rooms cleaned. The kitchen and one bathroom. He was there from 11am until 7pm. Last night, Joe “suddenly” remembered the reason why DFCS was doing the inspection; they wanted to make sure the home was safe for a visit on Friday, for James. S knows James deliberately hurt Squish when I had custody of him and he’d go to their house to visit! He knows it!

I’m worried about Squish. I’m worried about S. Mommy Dearest successfully turned my son against me; he has no anchor to sanity living with her… he no longer is capable to see her ‘love’ is poisonous. I’m filled with so much guilt – I am the one that convinced him to give her another chance, each time he was ready to call it quits. Whatever happens to him or Squish, is my fault. I had been drinking the Kool-Aide, you see… I stopped and finally began to see clearly a few months ago… he’s still drinking the Kool-Aide.

James lies. James cuts. James steals. James destroys things, claiming he’s making something. James is manipulative, albeit not very well. He learned everyone of these behaviors from Mommy Dearest. Joe has been having more contact with her, and is acting, differently. Hard to explain, but he is. I may sound paranoid, but I don’t trust him anymore. He threatened Spring, just two days after joking with her about becoming her little brother soon – I had been planning on adopting him. Figured it might be a way to help him gain citizenship and a Social Security number. Not gonna do it, not after the way he talked to Spring and threatened her. Joe is a bit better at manipulating, compared to James. However, he quickly forgets who he told what to, and gives himself away.

Last school year, Joe called me, hysterical… he said that Mommy Dearest and Jade had been sending awful texts about him, to his friend Laurel’s boyfriend, JP. Mommy Dearest claimed she didn’t even know the boy – after first convincing S he was dangerous, carried a gun and would think nothing of hurting me or Joe. I pointed out to S that Mommy Dearest was friends with JP on FaceBook- she promptly blocked me, and Spring. This was around last March or April. James was really acting up during this time period and I literally had a mental breakdown… I petitioned the court to rescind my custody, knowing I was in a no win situation. Keep James and risk my health and ability to see S and Squish, return him to DFCS custody and risk losing S and Squish because Mommy Dearest would be upset… the court backed me and thanked me for what I had tried to do with James… I received one more phone call from S after the courts decision, inviting me to a Memorial Day cookout. I refused. I haven’t felt welcome in his home for months, at least since the previous December when I was awarded custody of James and explained to Mommy Dearest that no, my having custody of James was not ‘in name only to screw the court,’ that he would reside in my home but be allowed to visit more than he did while in DFCS custody. It was after that, that James began his campaign – cutting, claiming I was a liar and that I ‘stabbed his mother in the back.’ It came straight from her playbook. The cookout would have been untenable; Mommy Dearest reigning as Queen Diva with several of her faux family members present. Huh-uh, I still wasn’t up to par to deal with that. Besides, I had a ton of homework to make up, thanks to James’ shitty behavior. I was trying my damnest to not lose my class credits and have to re-take the class again; I have enough student loan debt, thankyouverymuch!

That phone call invite from S was curt and cold, and the last time I talked to him until Squish’s third birthday party. I think we said maybe ten words to each other. Last time I saw Squish, he threw himself into my arms and hugged me… at his party, he barely looked at me, acted like he didn’t know who I was. Mommy Dearest had two months to get my grandson to act differently towards me. She’s had longer to work on S. I have no clue what lies she’s feeding him.

Perhaps all of this brewing in the back of my mind is what caused my unknown anger. I don’t know. Perhaps I needed some cathartic release, writing some of it down again – since the original writings written around each event was deleted when I lost my previous blog. I don’t feel quite as angry right now, after this lengthy post. I still don’t feel like me, either… *sighs*

I’m so outtie….