So I’m unsure how to change the privacy setting and make this area for me and not the public eye. Haven’t figured it out yet – other than to simply add more posts to kind of hide the ones that are deeply personal, bury them within babble more or less. One change I did make was for summaries instead of full text be the main view, although as Admin I, of course, still see the full text.

My daughter and eldest grand daughter moved a heavy desk for me; I haven’t really set it up, although the PC is plugged in again. I moved an empty bookcase to its new location, but only managed to clean it and put one item on it. Still need to move all of the books (and old software and DVDs and etc.) to it, but haven’t had the gumption to do so. Only thing I managed to move was my Aero Garden thingy… maybe I’ll check into buying seeds for it again. Eventually. At least it no longer holds layers upon layers of dust any more. That’s something, I suppose.

K, I am so outtie….

the first

During and after the election, I began researching what country it would be possible for me to move to.  now, while I am not a student of history, I do read and am capable of seeing patterns. Naturally, the majority of the countries I might be able to afford a move to and live in, are… well, repressed, fairly poor, and simply not known to love Americans. Expats or not. So I revised my search and found some different but usable alternatives in the country I’ve always loved but have never been able to visit. The search and my findings are all still open on my desktop….

I recently purchased one of those multi-movie DVDs of Paranormal Activity, movies one through five. After catching some sleep – I had been up all night, election night, per my usual routine – I began watching the movies. I understand why audiences were scared and/or creeped out, even though I was only somewhat interested and amused by the creativity. After finishing the movies, I stuck the first Jurassic Park movie in; I’m on the third in the series now. I logged onto Facebook once and saw various friends – and more – sending good-bye announcements, that they were slipping into silent mode as this country enters a new era… I followed suit.

I haven’t had many updates to my blog of late, although my recent typical routine has only been posting once or twice a month. I had been commenting to my daughter that what truly troubled me was my lack of inspiration and creativity, and inability to work on my novels. She had made a worthwhile critique to the Lynette/Lachlan story that I would like to incorporate; but, I need to finish the Allison/Robert story before I get back into the earlier work. I’ve tried to write more of Allison’s story, but it’s like I am straining for ideas, straining to reach my creativity. In an earlier post I had mentioned the disarray my house is currently in, due to a busted water pipe, and I’ve toyed with the idea that that could be the cause of my lack of creativity… well, daughter has done some of the work – enough that I can begin to put things near where they use to be. Or re-arrange, which I’m actually doing. But still no desire to write.

I’m not dreaming anymore, either. At least, I cannot recall any dreams or direct them as I once use to do. Most of my characters introduced themselves to me in my dreams, gave me a chance to get to know them and their stories so that I could write them. Even Phantom of the Opera has not been helping, and that, in my view, is quite bad. However, in the deepest part of my brain, some ideas have been trying to form. Truths.

I don’t want to leave America. Not because I have faith in my country or fellow man, because I don’t. Not anymore. No, for purely selfish reasons… my love of family, the need to be somewhat near them. Moving almost 4000 miles away would make it close to impossible to see my daughter and grand daughters, let alone the hope of ever repairing the damaged relationship with my son. I guess fear would be incorporated into this, as well… starting completely over in a new country at the age of 58, disabled, uncertain if my disability pay would follow… or continue, for that matter. You know, my daughter said it’s “only four years.” A deep, inner fear is that a huge change – for the worse – is in the making now.

I just began crying at the scene where the Navy and Marines arrive to rescue Dr. Grant’s party. I’m crying easier now and that’s not necessarily a good thing. All the lawsuits and criminal charges against Trump – will they just “go away” now that he’s the President elect? The sheep have spoken, the crazies run the asylum; I am so outtie….

Voting in America

While out and about earlier today I overheard a few troubling conversations about the upcoming Presidential election. People said they weren’t going to bother to vote because they didn’t like either official. Like they were limited to vote for either Hillary or Trump and neither fit their personal choice.

Do they no longer instruct students in Civics classes – for the younger people I heard today – that Americans have yet another choice, the “write-in candidate”? Are the older people too addle brained to recall that our country is one of the few that allows this practice? Can none of them recall many years ago when the country was split and people were not pleased with the Presidential choices, so many chose to write-in their candidate, Bozo the Clown???? The Democratic Party didn’t like the Republican choice, former President Ronald Reagan, while many Democrat’s and Republicans alike didn’t like Walter Mondale. The year was 1984 and Bozo the Clown did receive many votes… obviously not enough to become the President having only gotten around 0.02 percent of the vote…. But still, this Toledo born entertainer did toss his hat into the ring.

Each State has its own rules and regulations as to how a candidate may be written in and your vote counted. Here, in Georgia, you need to check here to see who the available candidates are. Unfortunately for me, the candidate I wanted to write in, is not available… *sighs* I’ll still vote, though. If one does not vote, then one does not have the right to complain or gripe over the candidate that does win. After all, that vote one chose to not cast, might have been the one vote to make a difference. Vote, people. It’s your right and duty.

I am so outtie….

Arghh 2.0

So, I’ve watched a shit load of TV. Arrow, the Glitch, the Flash, Black Mirror, and a couple of movies on Netflix, as well as a few – that I ended up writing reviews for, too – on Amazon Prime. Only nine more days till this years NaNoWriMo begins and I haven’t been writing, again.

I don’t know why, either. Told my daughter, I’ve just been feeling ‘blah’. Again, don’t know why. But, I can say it began when I was re-watching Sons of Anarchy. It hit me around season five, I think, and I felt it take my head into a real dark place… which I mentioned in a much earlier post. I thought I had gotten past it, began reading again. *sighs* One error filled book after another, all author requested reads after another which frustrated the holy hell out of me and ended up putting me off of reading even more. And as you know, in order to keep up with your craft, you need to read, read, read and read more.

I’m not dreaming, either. I usually have very clear, colorful lucid dreams. Honestly, it’s where I meet my characters and learn more about them. I suppose I could be dreaming and not remembering them, but I actually don’t think so. I feel tight, congested… like there is a total blockage in my creativity line cause I’m just not feeling a thing. And it shows in my every day life as well as ways to release my creativity. I know the ‘juices’ haven’t dried up. They just aren’t flowing.

I don’t know what to do.

I’m so outtie….


Gotta get back to writing but some bad luck issues are draining me. Literally. So, I got this huge power bill, been running AC so its kind of expected, right? But, I didn’t own anything in August – maybe a buck or two cause I typically overpay, so didn’t bother to make any kind of payment then. Figured I’d wait to start building credit with the company until winter usage… well, apparently they didn’t email me my actual August bill, cause last month I was hit with over $300! Way higher than typical for me, during my heaviest usage summer months my biggest bill is still less than $200 by a good degree… so that was issue number one, had to put a $300 charge on a credit card I’ve been working to pay down. My girls need their Sentinel, which will be roughly a $125 charge for three months of meds for them… *sighs* Expected, but still.

So, yesterday (actually this was Thursday) I wake up late again, as usual lately, and head into the den all blurry eyed, ready for my caffeine IV and email… and I see what looks like a dribble-pee spot in front of the door. I turn the lights on and then it hits me, I can also hear a distinctive drip-drip-drip sound… and water is steadily dripping from my ceiling. The corner of the ceiling is hanging lower, water is pouring down my door, and the wall has two huge wrinkly sections. Sight unseen, I diagnose problems with my hot water tank, which is housed in my attic. Poor Stevie is living her worst nightmare, it’s raining in the house! I put in a “911” call to Dingy, cause she’s my ‘go-to-gal’ for any issues, and they plan to head my way. I turned the lights off, to be safe – the ceiling fan-light is in the middle of the room and it doesn’t look like the ceiling is wet all the way to it, but better safe than sorry, right?

Went outside front door – den door is like sealed shut – to go grab mail and see it’s like raining cats and dogs – under my carport. So that’s where the majority of the water is escaping. My driveway is soaked, too, like after a typical Georgia thirty to sixty minute torrential downpour. Bought a wet/dry vac and repair stuff, plus put $15 in the kids gas tank, so the repair cost me a hair under $100. Have the attic stair down still so attic can finish drying – which worries/concerns both dogs. Last night I finally realized the reason the fan was so freakin’ loud was because it was set on high, so turned it down and I can hear myself think again. Although honestly, I’ve been freezing because the fan blowing on the wet wall and floor has created a swamp-cooler and is keeping my house under 70 degrees. I keep it at 75, winter and summer, so yeah, I’ve been freezing. Girls love it. *laughs*

Before anyone points out the repair for under $100 is actually quite good, however… I still haven’t replaced the messed up section on the ceiling or the drywall on the walls or purchased paint to repaint the messed up walls and ceiling, yet.

My DVD towers are on the opposite side of the room while my La-z-boy chair and bookcase are in my living room. The girls are very upset by this, although Luna is being her usual stoic self albeit a tad needier wanting to climb up into my lap when I sit down at my desktop PC. Stevie is refusing to walk by the attic ladder and off her food; she also went into my bedroom yesterday and hopped up on the bed – and acted too afraid to jump back off herself. She was ‘stuck’ in there for like six hours! The dork. Add to all this and I’m having a few issues with the bank controlling two of my accounts… for the Amazon account, they say any amount I pay before the due date will not be applied to the amount due, yet hadn’t told me when my due date was… I made a payment and they later sent me an email that I owed a $5 payment – by this time, my disability check was used up, so they added a $35 late fee and some other unexplained $11  fee saying I owed them $51 to catch up!

So yeah. No writing right now. I’m fucking depressed. I’m so outtie….

the power of the phantom

Okay, then. Have been playing Phantom of the Opera over and over again, getting myself not only into a more romantic mood, but also helping me better channel Robert’s voice. Hopefully it worked.

I finished chapter nine and got the first scene of chapter ten completed, a confrontation between Robert and Kara/Allison’s parents, Jake and Marie. Allison now knows about her biological parents, but hasn’t fully accepted it, yet. Robert is also showing his interest in Alli – only to be interrupted by jealous Kara! Hence, the confrontation…. I also grabbed the Scrivener backup from the laptop that’s been acting up, which is the main PC I use for writing, mind you… so I did the bit of writing mentioned, here, on my desktop. Only way I could watch the PotO, any-hoo, since I currently only have the blueray disc and only the player in my den is blueray.

Just wanted to touch base, more or less, since I had that huge blogging gap. *grins sheepishly* It’s after 3a.m. and we’re at the final part of the movie, it’ll end in about five minutes. The time part is no biggie, but I’m done writing for now cause my right hand is acting up. Yeah, even using a keyboard instead of pen and paper can make it flare up and cause havoc. So I’ma gonna finish this post and the movie, then head back to my room to attempt reading. Hopefully, whatever new writer I start tonight, will not sour me again like the last several did… as long as they attempt to edit! Grr.

M’kay, I am so outtie….


Oh.My.Gosh. It’s been almost a solid month since I last posted! So, my son-in-law did get my original DVD of PotO out of my old player, but alas, it’s scratched. *sighs* I do have the new blueray DVD, of course – which I can only use in the den. Once I’ve paid a bit off on my Amazon account, I’ll purchase another DVD for my bedroom, again.

I’ve been besieged with author requests to read and review their work, and I’m actually happy to do so. For the most part. However, I hit several blech-y books in a row – extremely poor editing, if any; atrocious spelling, grammar, and punctuation; awkward sentence structuring; tense issues; and, point of view mishaps. Two of the books were less than one hundred pages, each – yet it took me three or more weeks to get through them because of the errors! Some of these ‘writer’s’ are churning out a book a month, for crying out loud. If they had been edited, I’d be the first to offer immense kudos for working so hard… but, these also happen to be the same authors that spill forth with the afore mentioned issues. It’s obvious they aren’t writing because they have a burning desire to tell a tale, rather, they wish to earn some quick cash. *sighs*

I also watched and reviewed a newer web-based series that likened itself to decent goth such as “The Woman in Black” (James Watkins, D. 2012). Ha! What I watched was crude and vulgar with no psychological thrills and chills, whatsoever. My reviews can be found on Amazon or one of my other domains, here. That’s my Scribes Canvas domain, btw.

Of course, most understand in order to improve their craft, they must read, read, read! Some of what I read had high stars and I can only assume the readers were either friends with the writers or too soft-hearted to critique the way they should have. Because quite frankly it was drivel! I hope, when I finally get back to writing and publish, the reviewers will be as honest as I was. How else is one to learn? It is a way to help polish and finis our work, right?

K, I am so outtie….


I’m a huge Gerard Butler fan, no doubt about it. Like many writers, I am sure, I model the leading males in my stories after celebrity males I consider drool worthy and visual personifications of a true alpha male. Gerard is one of these males.

When describing these alpha males, I have a picture of the celebrity male on my corkboard. Actually, I try to find two males that are… not so much similar, but at least complimentary of each other, and combine bits and pieces of both in the stories alpha male. That’s my way of not only creating the perfect male character for the story, but also help if I should be lucky enough to sell movie rights, they are not locked into an exact description that only Gerard Butler could fill, or Brad Pitt, or Dwayne Johnson, etc.

Besides the images on my corkboard, I’ll often have funny or romantic movies featuring the males used, playing on DVD; I also play music when I’m very into the writing and know I won’t be looking up at the TV screen, whatever suits my soul and needs for the writing at the time.

When writing a romance, I tend to keep romantic ideology around me as much as possible. I fall asleep to The Phantom of the Opera (2004) every night. Until my DVD player died, that is. With the disc still inside it. *sighs* I bought a new player, my daughter will do her best to pull my DVD out of the broken player – if she can’t, I will buy a new one. So, I started watching some of my other favorite Gerard Butler movies to help keep me where I needed to be… The Ugly Truth (2009), Olympus Has Fallen (2013), London Has Fallen (2016), and Law Abiding Citizen (2009) to name a few. Each of these films show various kinds of love the character Gerard is playing, has for others in the movie. There are several other films, too, but these are my “go-to” movies. Phantom is the main movie, and I miss it, a lot.

Watching Law Abiding Citizen (2009) was not a good idea for me, at this time. I empathize for Clyde (Gerard Butler) as well as Jamie Foxx’s awesome portrayal of ADA Nick Rice. Feeling for Clyde ended up pushing me into wanting to watch Sons of Anarchy (2008-2014), so I just finished a marathon of watching. I found my head entering a very dark place as season 5 ended; halfway through season 6, I was feeling very dark… the only bright spot was my grand daughter’s 4th birthday. Her party rocked! I never laughed so hard, watching her bounce – and be bounced – on her trampoline. It was awesome….

But when I came back home, I stuck the DVD’s back in. Even after joking with my daughter earlier in the day about where my head was at when I’m supposed to be writing a romance. Sheesh. I told her I should probably go back to work on my serial killer story cause that’s how dark my head felt.

I finished the series about an hour ago. Betrayal, death, matricide and more still reverberating inside my head. Wow. And no Phantom to pull me back. Damn.

So, I likely won’t work on Robert & Allison’s story tomorrow – their story is romance, it’s light but with some action… it has one dark scene in it that was influenced by my SoA marathon, but it does work in the story so I’ll keep it. But the story shouldn’t have any more dark stuff, so I need to purge myself before pulling Robert & Allison back in. *sighs*

That’s where I am at. Damn. I am so outtie….

And so on, again

So, Jake & Marie have finally told Allison that she is their biological daughter. She has most, but not quite all, of the details. Henri can’t wait to tell Kara – he’s got a bit of trouble maker in him! *laughs* And Robert has finally set his eyes on Allison, so the romance part will finally start heating up and kicking into high gear. The Kara-jealousy angle should prove some fun, too.

Now comes the big decision… a sweet romance, like Lynette & Lachlan’s, or something steamier…? To help make my decision, I’m going to skim my “How to Write Erotica” book by Valerie Kelly. It was written in 1986 so I’m not really sure if it’s too outdated… maybe I’ll do a quick Amazon scan, as well.

Either way, time to get my fingers tapping away at the laptop keyboard, so I am so outtie….


Life isn’t perfect, but it is definitely good. Until the bottom falls out. Again.  — Allison Bolden, age 11

But, when I feel like I’m ready to change, I look for woods. Solitary areas deep within the woods. Spots totally away from humans. Places where I can wolf out and run free, sniff all the interesting scents bombarding me and run with the other wildlife – okay, chase ‘em. But still. I’m not trying to go all Freddy Krueger on humans, so I’m even different from what these sites say are proven truths. Sheesh, even my werewolf self is a freak. — Allison Bolden, age 15

Snippets from Robert & Allison’s story, after some major incidents in Alli’s life. *grins* She hates to be called Alli, by the way, but Robert thinks it suits her.

I’m writing the final scene of chapter 8, a big reveal. This chapter also offers a glimpse of Robert’s budding feelings for Allison and is the start of the actual romantic part of this romance novel. Earlier, Robert did show interest and intrigue in Alli, but other stuff was going on that needed to be dealt with, so, here we are. I think it works as is, and will wait till after I finish it in its entirety before going back for revision work.

Currently, I have roughly one full chapter – two scenes – of backstory via Allison’s memories which hopefully show why and how her personality is as it is. I’m waiting to hear back from a faithful reader with comments, i.e. my daughter. *grins*

Any-who, that’s what I’ve been up to and am heading back to, so I am so outtie….