I know, I know – long time no (fresh) blog. It was partly due to my wanting what I said about “Angel” to remain in a prominent spot, partly due to a (fairly) severe need to be away from the net, partly due to some rising family crisis (see previous ‘partly’ *sighs) – but mainly due to, I literally had no time to myself to sit here, think and write. Granted, things are moving back to an even keel once again – but some of the matters are on shaky ground, to put it mildly.
I’m choosing not to put the upsets here, this time. Think I’ve been in a bit of a negative funk for too long – past readers of my blog can fairly easily figure out the main contributing cause to that phase. And yes, he is still in the picture and getting worse – but I’m tired of being tired, and negativity causes that form of exhaustion. So, some good news, instead. *smiles*
I have 2 adopted children, as well as my 2 biological kids. Angel, my daughter, is the eldest. She is mentally retarded and living in a support home, elsewhere. She resisted contact with her biological aunt – out of loyalty to me, actually. The aunt is a lovely woman who can enrigh Angel’s life, in my opinion. So, when I was forced to start hopping states (i.e. ex-louse stalker problems) I chose to drop my contact with Angel, force her into the position of accepting contact with her biological aunt. It was a hard decision, yes it was hard on Angel – however, the last time I spoke to her, she was finally having weekly contact with her aunt, and she sounded happy.
S (biological child) is next in line, then John. John is 6-weeks older then Spring, btw. I’ve had pretty much an ‘on again off again’ relationship with John. John came from a pretty abusive background and was really mixed up, to put it mildly. He was diagnosed with severe behavioral handicap. When I chose to divorce my ex, S, John and Spring lived with me – until John moved back with my ex and told him everything I had been doing, my new goals, etc. Naturally, it caused me emotional pain to be betrayed that way, and some hard feelings between all siblings. Sometime later, John asked to move in with me again and I said yes. Although I never forbid him to see his dad – I would never do that, being a firm believer that kids need an ongoing relationship with both parents, when possible – I did wonder that he never thought it odd or strange that the ex’s own biological children wanted nothing to do with him, their own choice.
John eventually turned to drugs and alcohol – he was 17, almost 18 at the time. And John was mean when he was using. The day he tried to attack me with a hot coffee pot, I made him leave my home – with S and Spring backing me up. I also had to file a report with the police, what I did and my reasoning, to ensure I wouldn’t be held responsible for things John might do, since he was still legally a minor.
John moved around for a time period, living with his dad for a while, staying with Spring and her (then) current boyfriend, Johnny, staying with friends, etc. He would phone me occassionally – oddly (or maybe not), whatever we talked about, my divorce attorney would later question me about; he obviously was still spying for his dad. I eventually moved around enough to pretty much muddle the tracks of where I’d been, before eventually locating where I am now. My Mother, S and Spring were the only ones who knew my whereabouts, at any given time, as they were the only ones I felt I could truly trust.
Fast forward to 2001; John made a surprise visit to my Mom, wanting family contact. He said he hadn’t talked to his dad for a few months. . . Mom phoned me. I had a pleasant conversation with John, caught up somewhat (he had gotten in some legal trouble and spent some time in jail, had gone through drug rehab and stopped drinking) – and, I apologized but told him, I still didn’t trust him not to betray me again, so any contact with me would have to come via my Mom. He said he understood, and I wrote him a few letters, which Mom forwarded to him, before he eventually ‘disappeared’ again.
In 2002, he contacted Mom again, and brought a young woman to meet her – he was engaged. S was coming to the States, and arranged to take me in to visit with Mom, and meet John and his fiance. Mom was impressed that John had changed, grown up. I saw the same old John, albeit better at disguising his intentions. Again, I kept my whereabouts a secret from him. I was not impressed with his young fiance, either – very flighty, highly immature girl who just seemed, well, off. But, we began our contact again, same as before, with my Mom as the go between, to keep my whereabouts hidden. That lasted about 3 months or so, before John disappeared again.
Current – John contacted my Mom again, now with a wife and child in tow. Well, he contacted her via phone, not an actual visit this time. He had moved to South Carolina several months ago, severing all ties with his dad, my ex. The child wasn’t his, but he was taking on all responsibility for him – and, they were/are expecting one of their own. He was still drug free, and rarely drank – spending most of his time working hard and going to church. He was able to recently purchase a new 3-bedroom mobile home for his family, and is slowly purchasing new furniture/appliances – with some help from his in-laws. I decided to call him – and was truly impressed by the tone and sound of his voice. I think this was the first time I’d ever heard him sound so happy and at peace with himself. He desperately wants family contact, especially now, with a new young family of his own. With the help of his young wife, Tara – she sounds very mature, even though she’s only 17 – he’s finally come to realize what a manipulator and user his dad is, and that as long as he has contact with him, John continually heads downward in life and can’t have ‘true’ contact with S, Spring and myself. . . but when he pushed his dad from his life, his own personal life began to move upward, and he can have contact with family. Now, he also is keeping his whereabouts hidden from anyone on my ex’s side of the family – and he’s amazed at how smoothly his life is going now, and that so many positive things are coming into his life. *smiles*
I’ve phoned him a couple of times, and he’s asked if I’d be willing to come to South Carolina – at his expense – when the baby is born. He’s talked to my Mom a few times, and was able to talk to Spring last weekend. He’s looking forward to being able to talk to S in the next couple of months (we don’t have a set date for his next trip back to the States yet.) And he sounds happy. It took him a while, but John is finally growing up. *smiles*