Looking back over my week… damn…
When I talked to Rick the other night, he said that Jyl has always had a minor problem with anemia… when her symptoms started, she knew to eat liver and increase her meat intake, then the symptoms would clear up. But this time they didn’t. CML leukemia – the “C” stands for chronic… this form of leaukemia can remain “dormant” or quiet, for 4-5 years, before it gets to the critical stage. Critical is where Jyl is at, now… all these years, she probably thought she was fighting with anemia alone – when in actuality, it was the chronic phase of leukemia….
I feel like crying. But what good would that do? It ain’t gonna help Jyl… it ain’t gonna give S a job… it ain’t gonna make my disability check show up… but damn… I just feel so helpless right now. I try to turn to the Higher Power, but can’t seem to complete my thoughts… just a bunch of half-thought out prayers, pleas… however you want to view it… I just feel like… damn….
I think I’ll go work on one of my secret pages… getting lost/involved in the coding and creating, will be a pleasant distraction. I still have to phone Spring and tell her about Jyl…